[Hermeneutics:
The science or art of interpretation, especially of Scripture.]
Suppose you're traveling to
work and you see a Stop sign. What do you do?
1. An average Jew doesn't bother
to read the sign but will stop if the car in front of him does.
2. A fundamentalist stops at
the sign and waits for it to tell him to go.
3. An Orthodox Jew does one
of two things:
(a) Stops at the sign, says "Blessed
art thou, O L-rd our G-d, King of the universe, who hast given us thy commandment
to stop", waits 3 seconds according to his watch, and then proceeds.
(b) Takes another route to work
that doesn't have a Stop sign so that he doesn't run the risk of disobeying the
halachah.
4. A Haredi does the same thing
as the Orthodox Jew, except that he waits 10 seconds instead of 3. He also replaces
his brake lights with 1000-watt searchlights and connects his horn so that it
is activated whenever he touches the brake pedal.
5. An Orthodox woman concludes
that she is not allowed to observe the mitzvah of stopping because she is niddah.
This is a dilemma, because the Stop sign is located on her way to the mikvah.
6. A Talmudic scholar consults
his holy books and finds these comments on the Stop sign:
R. Meir says: He who does not
stop shall not live long.
R. Hillel says: Cursed is he
who does not count to three before proceeding.
R. Shimon ben Yehudah says:
Why three? Because the Holy One, blessed be He, who gave us the Law, the Prophets,
and the Writings.
R. ben Yitzhak says: Because
of the three patriarchs.
R. Yehuda says: Why bless the
L-rd at a Stop sign? Because it says:
'Be still, and know that I am
G-d.'
R. Yehezkel says: When Jephthah
returned from defeating the Ammonites, the Holy One, blessed be He, knew that
a donkey would run out of the house and overtake his daughter; but Jephthah did
not stop at the Stop sign, and the donkey did not have time to come out. For
this reason he saw his daughter first and lost her.
Thus was he judged for his transgression
at the Stop sign.
R. Gamaliel says: R. Hillel,
when he was a baby, never spoke a word, though his parents tried to teach him
by speaking and showing him the words on a scroll. One day his father was driving
through town and did not stop
at the sign. Young Hillel called out, 'Stop, father!' In this way, he began reading
and speaking at the same time. Thus it is written: 'Out of the mouths of babes.'
R. ben Natan says: When were
Stop signs created? On the fourth day, as it is written: 'Let them serve as signs.'
But R. Yehoshua says: ..." [continues
for three more pages...]
7. A Breslover Hasid sees the
sign and prays, saying: "Ribono Shel Olam-here I am, traveling on the road in
Your service, and I am about to face who knows what danger at this intersection
in my life. So please watch over me and help me to get through this Stop sign
safely." Then,
"looking neither to left nor
right" as Rebbe Nachman advises, he joyfully accepts the challenge, remains focused
on his goal, even as the car rolls backward for a moment, then hits the accelerator
and forges bravely forward, overcoming all obstacles which the yetzer hara [evil
inclination] might put in his
path.
8. A Lubavitcher Hasid stops
at the sign and reads it very carefully in the light of the Rebbe's teachings.
Next, he gets out of the car and sets up a roadside mitzvah-mobile, taking this
opportunity to ask other Jewish drivers who stop at the sign whether they have
put on tefillin
today (males) or whether they
light Shabbos candles (females). Having now settled there, he steadfastly refuses
to give up a single inch of the land he occupies until Moshiach comes.
9. A Conservative Jew calls
his rabbi and asks whether stopping at this sign is required by unanimous ruling
of the Commission on Jewish Law or if there is a minority position. While waiting
for the rabbi's answer, he is ticketed by a policeman for obstructing traffic.
10. A secular Jew rejects the
sign as a vestige of an archaic and outmoded value system with no relevance to
the modern world, and ignores it completely.
11. A Reform Jew coasts up
to the sign while contemplating the question, "Do I personally feel commanded
to stop?" During his deliberation he edges into the intersection and is hit from
behind by the secular Jew.
12. A Reconstructionist Jew
reasons: First, this sign is a legacy of our historic civilization and therefore
I must honor it. On the other hand, since "the past has a vote and not a veto," I
must study the issue and decide whether the argument in favor of stopping is
spiritually, intellectually, and culturally compelling enough to be worth perpetuating.
If so, I will vote with the past; if not, I will veto it. Finally, is there
any way that I can revalue the Stop sign's message so as to remain valid for
our own time?
13. A Renewal Movement Jew meditates
on whether the stop sign applies in all of the kabbalistic Four Worlds [Body-Emotion-Mind-
Spirit] or only in some of them, and if so, which ones? Must he stop feeling?
thinking? being? driving? Since he has stopped to breathe and meditate on this
question, he is quite safe while he does so, barukh HaShem.
14. A biblical scholar points
out that there are a number of stylistic differences between the first and second
halves of the passage "STOP." For example, "ST" contains no enclosed areas and
five line endings, whereas "OP" contains two enclosed areas and only one line
termination.
He concludes that the first
and second parts are the work of different authors who probably lived several
centuries apart. Later scholars determine that the second half is itself actually
written by two separate authors because of similar stylistic differences between
the "O" and the "P."
15. Because of difficulties
in interpretation, another biblical scholar amends the text, changing "T"
to "H." "SHOP" is much easier to understand in this context than "STOP"
because of the multiplicity of stores in the area. The textual corruption probably
occurred because "SHOP" is so similar to "STOP" on the sign several streets back
that it is a natural mistake for a scribe to make. Thus the sign should be interpreted
to announce the existence of a commercial district.
16. Yet another biblical scholar
notes that the stop sign would fit better into another intersection three streets
back. Clearly it was moved to its present location by a later redactor. He thus
interprets the present intersection as though the stop sign were not there. |
