harry leichter's jewish humor
Jewish Humor 54
Tank Commander
I want to be a Cohen
Moishe the Fisherman
Definitions of Jewish Foods
21 Steps to Making Gefilte Fish
Kosher symbols you may have overlooked
Israeli Cocktail
Moses to his Doctor
Doctor, Root or Birth
Dracula the Jewish Version
Monument to the Unknown Soldier
Religious merger creates 900 million Hinjews

Remember...these Jokes are only old if you've heard them before...
Doctor, Root or Birth
Dr. Feinstein finished examining the woman's teeth and says, "I am really very sorry to have to tell you this, but I am going to have to perform a root canal."
The woman moans, "Oy Vey ist mir! I'd rather have a baby!"
To which Dr. Feinstein riposted, "Vell, lady, choose your pick, nu? I have to adjust the chair either way."
Dracula the Jewish Version
Steven Spielberg is going to make a Jewish version of Dracula, full of special effects, of course. Only one special effect even he still has to figure out: how to let the hero ward off the vampire by making a Star of David with SIX candles...
Moses to his Doctor: 
" Doctor, I'm getting ever more forgetful, what should I do?"
Doctor: "Pay me in advance."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l
Israeli cocktail: 
mix some tomato juice from Egypt with vodka from the Soviet Union, add a pinch of Jordanian salt and a few drops of Iraqi crude oil, stir well and enjoy your "Bloody Nasser"!
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l
Tank Commander
A young Israeli soldier is tired of the war with Egypt and asks his commander for a two weeks' leave. "The Egyptians with their tanks are on the other side of see those hills", says the commander, "bring me an Egyptian tank within one hour and you'll get your leave." The soldier goes away with his tank and comes back ten minutes later with an Egyptian tank. "Amazing", says the commander, "how did you do that?!" The soldier: "I asked one of those Egyptian guys whether he too wanted a two weeks' leave, and he said yes, and then we exchanged the tanks."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l
Monument to the Unknown Soldier
Moses visits his cousin in a small town in Israel. During his visit, a monument to the unknown soldier is to be revealed. After the lifting of the veil, Moses sees that the monument reads: TO MOISHE SILBERSTEIN, THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER. "I always thought this kind of monument is dedicated to those whose names AREN'T known", Moses whispers to his cousin, who replies: "As a lawyer, Moishe Silberstein was famous in all of Israel, but as a soldier, he was totally unknown."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l
Religious merger creates 900 million Hinjews
New Delhi, India -
Hinjew leaders today conceded the merger of Hinduism and Judaism has not worked out as planned, as instead of forming a super-religion to fight off the common Islamic enemy, they have instead created a race of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated, can never please their mothers.
I Want to be a Cohen 
A fellow comes to a synagog and says to the rabbi:
" Rabbi, I want to be a Cohen."
The rabbi answers: "You know, son, not everybody can become a Cohen." But the fellow persists: "I really want to be a Cohen! I must be a Cohen!! I am willing to do anything!!!" to which the rabbi sadly gives the same reply. 
"Look", says the fellow, "I am willing to donate million dollars to your synagogue, if you just help me to be a Cohen."
Hearing that and thinking of his synagogue and congregation's benefit, the rabbi tells the fellow that for this amount of money he may get the title of "Honorary Cohen."
The fellow agrees, and after the transaction is complete the rabbi asks: "would you please tell me why it was so important to you to be a Cohen?"
"Very simple", answers the fellow, "you see, my father was a Cohen and his father before him was a Cohen, so I just wanted to stick to the family tradition!"
Kosher symbols you may have overlooked... 
 
K.O. -- Hashgacha of the World Boxing Federation 
DANNY K  -- Supervision of the Vaad HaComedians
K SERA SERA -- Hashgacha given by liberal branches of Judaism
K MART -- Hashgacha given by Rabbis who have decided to discount their normal fees
    and make money through volume.
YUD K, VOV K -- Under Divine Supervision
I'M OKAY, YOU'RE OKAY -- Hashgacha given by the local psychiatric association.
 
star bar
Jewish Humor
Jewish Women
Israeli History in a Nutshell
World Wide Jewish Publications
star Home/Principle
History of Israel
All Things Jewish
Jewish Communities of the World
Site Designed and Maintained by
Haruth Communications