| Doctor,
Root or Birth |
Dr.
Feinstein finished examining the woman's teeth
and says, "I am really very sorry to have to tell you this, but I am going
to have to perform a root canal."
The woman moans, "Oy Vey ist mir! I'd rather have
a baby!"
To which Dr. Feinstein riposted, "Vell, lady,
choose your pick, nu? I have to adjust the chair either way." |
| Dracula
the Jewish Version |
| Steven Spielberg is going to make a Jewish version of Dracula, full of special effects, of course. Only one special effect even he still has to figure out: how to let the hero ward off the vampire
by making a Star of David with SIX candles... |
| Moses
to his Doctor: |
" Doctor,
I'm getting ever more forgetful, what should I do?"
Doctor: "Pay me in advance."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l |
| Israeli
cocktail: |
mix
some tomato juice from Egypt with vodka from the Soviet Union, add a pinch
of Jordanian salt and a few drops of Iraqi crude oil, stir well and enjoy
your "Bloody Nasser"!
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l |
| Tank
Commander |
A
young Israeli soldier is tired of the war with
Egypt and asks his commander for a two weeks' leave. "The Egyptians with
their tanks are on the other side of see those hills", says the commander,
"bring me an Egyptian tank within one hour and you'll get your leave."
The soldier goes away with his tank and comes back ten minutes later with
an Egyptian tank. "Amazing", says the commander, "how did you do that?!"
The soldier: "I asked one of those Egyptian guys whether he too wanted
a two weeks' leave, and he said yes, and then we exchanged the tanks."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l |
| Monument
to the Unknown Soldier |
Moses
visits his cousin in a small town in Israel.
During his visit, a monument to the unknown soldier is to be revealed.
After the lifting of the veil, Moses sees that the monument reads: TO MOISHE
SILBERSTEIN, THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER. "I always thought this kind of monument
is dedicated to those whose names AREN'T known", Moses whispers to his
cousin, who replies: "As a lawyer, Moishe Silberstein was famous in all
of Israel, but as a soldier, he was totally unknown."
from Amsterdam comedian Max Tailleur z"l |
| Religious
merger creates 900 million Hinjews |
New Delhi, India -
Hinjew leaders today conceded the merger of Hinduism
and Judaism has not worked out as planned, as instead of forming a super-religion
to fight off the common Islamic enemy, they have instead created a race
of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated,
can never please their mothers. |
| I
Want to be a Cohen |
A fellow comes to a synagog and says to the rabbi:
" Rabbi, I want to be a Cohen."
The rabbi answers: "You know, son, not everybody
can become a Cohen."
But the fellow persists: "I really want to be a
Cohen! I must be a Cohen!! I am willing to do anything!!!" to which the
rabbi sadly gives the same reply.
"Look", says the fellow, "I am willing to donate
million dollars to your synagogue, if you just help me to be a Cohen."
Hearing that and thinking of his synagogue and congregation's
benefit, the rabbi tells the fellow that for this amount of money he may
get the title of "Honorary Cohen."
The fellow agrees, and after the transaction is
complete the rabbi asks: "would you please tell me why it was so important
to you to be a Cohen?"
"Very simple", answers the fellow, "you see, my
father was a Cohen and his father before him was a Cohen, so I just wanted
to stick to the family tradition!" |
| Kosher
symbols you may have overlooked... |
| K.O. |
--
Hashgacha of the World Boxing Federation |
| DANNY
K |
-- Supervision of the Vaad HaComedians |
| K SERA SERA |
-- Hashgacha given by liberal branches of Judaism |
| K MART |
-- Hashgacha given by Rabbis who have decided
to discount their normal fees
and make money through volume. |
| YUD K, VOV K |
-- Under Divine Supervision |
| I'M OKAY, YOU'RE OKAY |
-- Hashgacha given by the local psychiatric association. |
|
| |
