Jewish Weapons Of Mass Destruction
Jewish Weapons Of Mass Destruction
LATKES
The Israeli's revenge for escaping slavery. It consists of a
simple mix of flour and water - no eggs or flavor at all. When
made well, it could actually taste like cardboard or Hardieplank.
Its redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stays with
you for a long time. However, it is recommended that you eat
a few prunes soon after. Very soon after. 
One of the little-known delicacies which is even more difficult
to pronounce than to cook.. It has nothing to do with varnish,
but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow-tie macaroni
(noodles). Why a bow-tie? Many sages discussed this and agreed
that some Jewish mother decided that 'You can't come to the
table without a tie' or, G~d forbid 'An elbow on my table?' 
Not to be confused with the Germanic war machine's: 'blintzkreig'.
Can you imagine the Jerusalem Post '39 headlines: 'Germans
drop tons of cheese and blueberry blintzes over Poland - shortage
of sour cream expected.' Basically this is the Jewish answer
to Crepe Suzette. 
You know from Haggis? Well, this ain't it.
In the old days they would take an intestine
and stuff it. Today we use parchment paper
or plastic. And what do you stuff it with?
Carrots, celery, onions, flour and spices.
But the skill is not to cook it alone but
to add it to the cholent (see below) and
let it simmer for 24 hours until there is
no chance whatsoever that there is any nutritional
value left.
This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon
of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley,
potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs
and anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican
restaurant (kosher of course) I once heard this comment from
a youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican fried
beans: 'What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too? A Jewish
American Princess once came up with something original for
guests (her first cooking attempt at the age of 25): she made
cholent burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came
back. 
A few years ago, an Israeli politician had problems with the
filter in his fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck
and mangled. His son (5 years old at the time) looked at them
and asked 'Is that why we call it 'Ge-filtered Fish'?' Originally,
it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and vegetable mixture..
Today it usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with horse
radish ('chrain') which is judged on its relative strength
in bringing tears to your eyes at 100 paces.
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