  
|
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
|
|
While my "mishpokhe" (family) had a
"snowvember"--an early winter--I'm
spending the winter in S. Florida. At present, schools are closed for
the winter
break.
The Palm Beach Post states that Jan 4 is
Teacher workday/no school for students.
On Jan. 13, report cards are distributed to
secondary schools. "Di novtfal" (The emergency) makeup days are Jan.
4 and
Feb. 15.
Imagine if Sam Levenson ("You Don't Have
to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What")
were alive today and was asked to speak
to teachers and administrators in Palm
Beach County. What would he say?
Ladies & Gentlemen:
As I wrote in one of my books, a delightful
Professor of Education at Brooklyn College
who taught future teachers (me amongst them) said, "Tell 'em what you're gonna
'learn 'em, then 'learn em,' then ask 'em:
'What did I just "learn you"?
APPLAUSE
I spent some time counseling students about colleges, the job market, working
9-5, and "potluck parenthood." I spoke from
experience! Every day my parents would ask me what I was going to do
when I grew
up. I told them that I would like to be a
philanthropist. I wasn't sure just what it
was but I explained to my parents that
according to the newspapers they were
invariably millionaires. Someone suggested
that I become an actuary; I thought that job
had something to do with birds. I became
a Spanish teacher.
Florida has a high dropout rate. There are
some theories about why the rate is so
high. Large schools and a focus on test
scores. Large schools make it easy for
students to be anonymous. Rigorous demands on test scores mean that some
students who are not good at standardized
testing might get discouraged with their
performance. Schools must take a more
expanded role in today's world of busy
parents, dysfunctional families and untold
distractions for children.
Although I taught in Brooklyn, I'm well
aware that FCAT means "Florida's
Comprehensive Assessment Test" and is
used to provide a measure of how the
student, teacher and entire school are
operating.
The risk factors or predictors of dropping
out are well known and include being
overage, behavior problems, poor attend-
ance, low performance on standardized tests and grade retention. Minority
groups
are over represented in the dropout
statistics.
Now I Lay Me
If I Should Fail to
But if I do,
Tell My Prof
Now I Lay Me
Regarding cheating. The Yiddish word meaning "to cheat" is "opnarn." There's
the
story about the young Larry who stopped
by the corner grocery store in Lake Worth
and read the following list to the clerk:
10 cans of Del Monte Sloppy Joe, 10 for $10
"How much does that come to?" asked
Larry.
"Forty-eight dollars and 16 cents."
"If I gave you five ten dollar bills, how much
change would I get?"
"Exactly one dollar and 84 cents," stated the
clerk who appeared to be irritated by all
the questions.
Larry said, as he disappeared through the
door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's
our arithmetic lesson for 'morgn' (tomorrow), and I needed some help with
it."
I grew up hearing many Yiddish proverbs:
Today, your students will share these
proverbs with you:
A miss is as good as a.....Mr.
Don't bite the hand that...hasn't been
sanitized with Purell
A penny saved is....effort wasted
Happy the bride who...is registered at
Bed Bath & Beyond
Children should be seen and not...deprived
of text-messaging
Two's company, three's...The Musketeers
You can't teach an old dog....new math
For you "kinder-gortn" (kindergarten)
teachers in the audience, I know that learning to recognize letters is an integral
part of your classroom lessons. Perhaps you should consider revising the
content/
pictures on your ABC wall charts.
Teachers in Florida have a difficult task.
At decade's end, Palm Beach County's
unemployment rate is in double digits.
Your students are coming from homes from
two groups: those with a job, and the
roughly two out of every 10 adults looking
for one.
Don't be surprised to hear "The Prayer said
before finals/FCATs":
Down to Study
I Pray the Lord I
Won't Go Nutty.
Learn this Junk,
I Pray the Lord
I Will Not Flunk.
Don't Pity Me at All,
Just Lay My Bones
In the Study Hall.
I Did My Best,
Then Pile My
Books Upon my Chest.
Down to Rest
And Pray I'll Pass
Tomorrow's FCAT Test.
10 lbs. of sugar @ $1.25 a lb.
2 bars of Ivory soap @ $.83 each
4 lbs. M&Ms @ $3.50 a lb.
3 12-pack 12-oz. cans of Coca Cola, $10
(laughter)
"You can catch more flies with honey than
with vinegar." ("Mit honik ken men khapn
mer flign vi mit esik.")
Yes, A is still for Apple, BUT today it's an
Apple Mac.
Regarding NAMES:
When I was a kid, children were named Izzy,
Max, Sammy, Harry, Solly, Sylvia, Sally, and
Shirley. Today, a Jewish couple who met on
the Internet, named their first son "Yaacov
Yahoo."
My mother joked: "We've named our kids
Bulova, Gruen, Waltham, Elgin, Wittnauer
and Benrus. They keep coming like clockwork!
Re: The Homework Schedule
Here is an explanation of the school
homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than 90
minutes per night. This time should be
budgeted in the following manner if the
student desires to achieve moderate to "gut" grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment
11 minutes calling a "fraynd" for the
assignment
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is
mean and just does not like "der kinder"
(the children).
8 minutes in "der vashtsimer" (the bathroom) whitening his/her teeth.
10 minutes getting a "nosh" (snack).
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher
"keyn mol nit" (never) explained the
assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the "kikh tish" (kitchen
table) waiting for Mom or Dad to do the
assignment.
Please refrain from calling any child a
"vilde khaye" (a wild indian), a "Yutz"
(a socially inept person), a "Chaim Yankel,"
or a "shnook." Try using the word
"boychick," a term of endearment, taken
from Yiddish, for a young boy or man.
Teachers, encourage your students to read
the newspaper. Don't be surprised if a student comes in and talks about
the Tiger
Woods situation of infidelty or the new
iPhone app which uses GPS technology to
track Tiger Woods' mistresses. (Thanks to
Frank Cerabino for this great line.) Just
remember, if everyone obeyed the ten
commandments, there'd be no eleven
o'clock news.
And, I like to tell the story about a
father who was trying to read the Sunday
paper. His son wanted to play with his
father. To keep the boy busy, dad pulled
a full-page map of the world out of the
current events section of the newspaper,
sliced it up into jigsaw patterns, scattered
them on the floor, and told the youngster:
"See if you can put these back together as a
map of the world. Just follow the colors
and shapes." The father had barely begun
to read his paper when he felt the kid tugging at his sleeve. In about
three minutes he had reassembled the map
correctly.
"How did you ever do that?"
"I got a clue. On the other side of the page
was a big picture of a man. All you have to
do is put the man together right and the
whole world comes out right."
And, in conclusion, when you go back to your classrooms tomorrow, I want you
to
think about this: About 3 1/2 million kids
are taking medicine for hyperactivity,
inattentiveness, or both. Others are on
Revivo, Socko, Adrenalo, Revivo, and
Ritalin. Perhaps it's a waste of "gelt--in
some cases. In MY DAY, we just called it
"shpilkes"--ants in the pants!
B is for Botox
C is for "chillaxin"
F is for Facebook
G is for Google or Going Green
I is for Internet and iTunes
P is for PowerPoint Presentations
T is for Twitter, Tweet, Tweetaholic,
Twitterature and Twittersphere
U is for "unfriended" or Uggs boots
W is for "Wikipedia"
(laughter)
| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M |
| N | O | P | R | S | T | U | V | W | Y | Z |
| Yiddish
Stuff Jewish Humor Schmooze News More Majorie Wolfe |
Principle Jewish Stories All Things Jewish Jewish Communities of the World |
